Memoirs of the 15th
by HowlingAngel
Summary: Side story to 'Memories of the 15th'. A series of drabbles about and around the strange, mysterious intrigues of the fabled 15th division. Ichigo face planted into his palm. “I can’t believe they groped him on global tv…”
1. Early Morning

**Memoirs of the 15****th**

**Title:** Early Morning  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Chi  
**Warning/s: **AU-ness  
**Summary:** What a lovely morning for watching Seireitei wake up. And all that applies.  
**Dedication:** To Lunaflowergirl, cause she invented this with me during Spanish class while we were ignoring the principles of _imperfecto.  
_**A/N:** This is the first in a series of drabbles in Bleach starring characters that are purely invented. Well, mostly invented. Just because Chi and I have similar sadistic habits mean nothing! You have no proof!

* * *

The first glimmers of light began to peak over the edge of the Seireitei. The buildings slowly lit up as the sun rose, making the white structures shine in different hues of reds and oranges. It was a new day for the center of the afterlife.

A young woman sat on a roof near the center of the massive city. She lounged lazily, stretching her legs as she watched the sunrise, the early morning colors changing her skin and hair different shades. She reached up and scratched the short blue fuzz on her scalp, pushing her longer bangs from her eyes.

Chi loved to be up when nobody else was. It gave her a sense of peace and rightness with the world that seemed to dissipate when she returned to work as a shinigami. Not that she didn't like killing things with reckless abandon, but the sensation was a pleasant change. Besides, it gave her the chance to do things that she wouldn't have the time to do during the day.

"Ahhhrgh!"

Like that.

"Dammit, Chi, I know you did this! Where are you?! I'm gonna rip your bloody head off!!"

Ah, nothing like the relaxing pleasures of early mornings and a job well done.

She wonders idly if Ikkaku will be able to wash the dye off before Yumi-chan sees.

* * *

Chap 1 done! Stay tuned.


	2. Hair Raising

**Memoirs of the 15****th**

**Title:** Hair Raising  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Renji, Chi  
**Warning/s: **Hair to make your eyebrows shoot up, stay up, and make fancy new shapes  
**Summary:** In which the esteemed captain attempts a fetching new do. Too bad Kuchiki is the only one who doesn't notice.  
**Dedication:** Lunaflowergirl, because this is her story.  
**A/N:** Remember people. Kuchiki Byakuya is known for his keen powers of observation...:snicker: Yeah. And just so's ya know, the captains name is Daitenshi Tsuki. I think it's longer actually, but Luna and I lost the book with the names and stuff in it so until we find it, this is it.

* * *

Renji stared. He couldn't help it, it was too bizarre. Chi sat next to him, popping candied stars she'd threatened Renji into buying her into her mouth.

"Is she nuts?" Renji didn't dare move his eyes else he'd miss something.

"No more than I am."

"So she's nuts." Chi kicked him in the shin.

"Leave it alone. Poor Taichou just got fed up. She's running out of ideas to get his attention, so why not go for the classics."

"There ain't nothing 'classic' about _that_."

"Principle of the thing."

Renji looked skeptically at the sight before him. Several of the other shinigami in the courtyard gaped too. Some had the misfortune to be walking when they saw it and ended up tripping over things, landing in sprawled, undignified positions. They didn't seem to care as they continued to gawk from the ground.

Finally ripping his eyes away, Renji asked "Does she know that Kuchiki-taichou couldn't care less 'bout a lady's hair? 'Cause after two weeks of this, she's gotta have gotten the picture by now."

Chi shook her head. "Uh-uh. Tsuki-taichou is a woman on a mission. Until she gets some kind of response, she ain't stoppin'." Chi chugged another handful of stars.

"'Sides, it's really funny watching everyone fall over everyday."

Renji glanced at the growing pile of people by the area with the raised tree roots.

"You told her to do this, didn't you."

"Yep."

"She's gonna kill you."

"Yep. But it is _so_ worth it!"

Renji paused and grinned. "Yeah. And you never know, Kuchiki-taichou might actually notice today instead a saying 'Hi' and walkin' off."

They looked at each other. "Naahh!"

"So what's she gonna do tomorrow? 'Cause a two foot hair sculpture swan is gonna be hard to top."

Chi snickered. "Thought the same thing about the neon pink mohawk and the afro with feathers stuffed in it."

"Tell her to do something with fountains."

Oooh, that would rock!"

The two happily conspired as Hitsugaya came out of the mess hall and got smacked in the face by one of Daitenshi-taichou's giant hair-wings.

Review, please.


	3. Quiet Conversations

**Memoirs of the 15****th**

**Title:** Patience is a Virtue.  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Chi, Tsuki, Tensi, Byakuya  
**Warning/s: **Temper tantrums and tea  
**Summary:** In which the esteemed captain quietly discusses the failures of combining men and hair. Right. Companion to 'Hair Raising'.  
**Dedication:** Lunaflowergirl, because this is her story.  
**A/N:** I find that when in doubt, blame someone else. It's the wrong thing to do, but damn if it doesn't relieve some stress.

* * *

"I hate this life."

"Taichou, we're dead."

"I hate this afterlife."

Chi sympathetically patted Tsuki's shoulder. "There, there, Taichou."

Said shoulder shrugged her hand off, snarling as she turned on her vice captain and 3rd seat. Her captain's jacket slid down her back as she pointed a sharply manicured nail at them.

"I hate _you_, I hate _him_, I _hate you all_!" Tsuki flung her arms up in the air and let a frustrated yell, ignoring the flinching of any underling shinigami passing through the corridors to the sides of the three officers. Tensi sighed and rubbed her head. She wondered not for the first time how the hell this woman was their captain.

"It'll be okay. Oh, look!" Chi wasn't helping the anger induced heat stroke, especially when Tsuki turned to follow her finger. And freaked.

That lasted about as long as it took for Kuchiki Byakuya to turn the corner and approach the three women. By the time he reached them the captain had smoothed and adjusted her coast, fixed her hair and straightened her posture. Loser to lady in 2.4 seconds, a new record.

"Daitenshi-taichou, good morning." He bowed politely. Tsuki smothered a remaining squeak and replied calmly "Good morning, Kuchiki-taichou."

She smiled pleasantly. It became strained very quickly.

"You look different today. Did you do something new with your hair?"

Chi and Tenshi promptly froze and attempted to smother the giggles that threatened to erupt. Tenshi knew that she and Chi were most likely going to die within the next thirty seconds but it was so worth it to see the look on their captain's face. Granted Chi was the one who had orchestrated the whole fiasco but Tsuki would go after anyone who mocked her misery at this point. Tenshi figured if they ran before Kuchiki left they could get a good head start for the other side of the Seireitei. They exchanged knowing glances and attempted to edge unnoticed backwards and into the next corridor. Their captain's scarred eye began twitching and they moved faster.

"Why no, I merely straightened it."

Kuchiki gave what passed for him as a smile. "It looks very nice."

Tsuki bowed. "Thank you." He bowed back and went on his way.

The two women were almost at the wall's intersection. Tenshi's hand tightened on Chi's sleeve as the fukutaichou hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"_Keep moving._ Maybe she won't see us ."

"_Chiiiiii!_"

The women stopped. Chi looked pleadingly at her brunette friend. Said friend shoved her forward into the fire filled pot hence named 'captain'. Tsuki looked at her with a disarmingly kind face, which was ruined by the twitch. Which had gotten faster. She placed her hands lightly on her fukutaichou's shoulders.

"....Yes, Taichou...."

"You heard that little conversation, right."

"Yes, Taichou."

"You saw it, right."

The hands moved up to Chi's neck.

"Yes, Taichou."

The hands tightened and began a rapid shaking motion.

"TWO WEEKS! I spent TWO WEEKS doing the stupidest things to my hair and he didn't notice until it was over!"

Tsuki shook her harder as Chi began making peculiar choking sounds. Tenshi watched from her position flat against the wall, silently thankful that her captain seemed to have forgotten that a few of the styles had been Tenchi's idea. She debated helping her fukutaichou but dismissed the thought as troublesome and a long time in coming. They were distracted by the sound of a throat clearing.

Kuchiki was standing next to Tenshi with a raised eyebrow.

Quick as humanly possible, Tsuki threw Chi into the wall and resumed her Jekyll-Hyde transformation back into Lady Daitenshi.

"Kuchiki-taichou! Was there something you needed?"

Kuchiki's expression wavered between bemused and exasperated.

"Yes. I neglected to invite you for tea this afternoon. Will you come?"

"Of course! It would be my pleasure." Tsuki smiled widely at the man and waved him on his way. She sighed happily and grabbed Tenshi, spinning her into a happy dance once he was out of sight.

"Isn't life _wonderful!_"Tenshi nodded, pleased that her captain had finally gotten her kind-of-date and the blind rage was over. She looked at the woman on the floor, sighing when she noticed the jerking motions were from hysterical giggling instead of suffocation. She wondered if this was going to happen every time they tried to set their captain up.

"Yeah, Taichou. Can we get Chi to the 4th now?"


	4. Everybody Dance Now

**Memoirs of the 15****th  
****Title:** Everybody Dance Now  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Tsuki, Orihime, Yumichicha, other 15th members  
**Warning/s:** crack, pure and simple  
**Summary:** In which a song goes on permanent repeat and Orihime is an honorary 15th.  
**Dedication:** dreaming in anime for telling me what this song was called  
**A/N:** This is the result of listening to this song over and over while watching Lulu and Rollo dance to it.  
**Disclaimer:** do not own Caramelldansen

* * *

Tsuki stared at the scene before her. She blinked slowly, giving her vision a chance to realize it screwed up and present a new sight to her brain. Alas, the spectacle before her remained and she continued to feel her eyebrows migrate north. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised, all things considered, but she wasn't exactly able to think that far at the moment.

In front of her, her two remaining original subordinates along with the new recruits to the 15th division were located in the division dojo with the live girl Inoue and a radio. The voluptuous teen was standing in the middle, accompanied by Tsuki's vice-captain and two other shinigami. They appeared to be dancing.

'_-__Dansa med oss, Klappa era hÃ¤nder_-'

The dance seemed to only consist of exaggerated hip movements and flapping hands next to the head. The radio was blasting a loud peppy song and all the women in the room were singing along happily with the words in the manor of those who had listened to said song repeatedly. Tsuki watched the four standing ones bounce side to side with the music until she recovered enough to walk past the threshold.

"What in the hell are you all doing?"

The shinigami all snapped around and immediately stood and saluted, live girl included. They were all new, almost fresh from the academy, and despite having the required attributes to enter the 15th, still were frightened and unsure enough to keep silent and stick to regulation behavior. Chi and Tenshi, however, had no such qualms and flocked over to their taichou.

Chi threw her arms around Tsuki's neck and pecked her on the check. "Ne, ne, Taichou! Hime-chan is teaching us an Earth dance!" Tenshi nodded, hopping in time with the music that was still playing.

'_-__O-la-la-la, GÃ¶r som vi, Till denna melodi-_'

Tsuki looked curiously at the girl in question. "Why, pray tell, did you do that?"

Orihime squirmed a little, before puffing her checks defiantly. "It's fun! It's a new song on our world and I like to listen to it when I eat my leek and banana sandwiches!" She deflated a bit under the elder woman's gaze. "And you guys have no good music."

Tsuki cocked her head. "And this is 'good music'?" Inoue nodded maniacally. "You can dance to it."

Tsuki looked back at Chi, who was still attached to her. Chi smiled widely and pulled her taichou to the center of the room. She placed her hands on the other woman's hips and swooshed them back and forth, pushing her down to do the bobbing motion. Tenchi pulled Tsuki's hands up next to her head and flapped them in time with the bobbing. The new soul reapers couldn't help it when a fes snickers popped out at the sight.

Tsuki sighed and batted her second and third seats' hands away. "This is the stupidest and most undignified thing I have ever seen."

(0)(0)(0)(0)(0)

Yumichika wandered into the 15th yard, and spotted the substitute soul reaper by the dojo, obviously there to pick up Inoue. He glided over, for a beautiful being such as himself should never just _walk_. He tapped the boy.

"Ne, have you seen Ichiru? She said she sensed fun and disappeared."

The strawberry head turned to look blankly at the feathered man before pointing inside. The 5th seat leaned around him to see. The whole of the 15th, Orihime, and Ichiru seemed to be dancing. Or having synchronized seizures. All of them were singing at the top of their longs to some foreign song, the loudest being the captain, in front, with a grin so big, her eyes were closed.

Yumichika stared for a moment before going in and asking Inoue how to do it too.

'_-__Caramelldansen, O-o-oa-oa...-_'

* * *

Because I found all these anime characters doing it on youtube, I just had to have Chi and the gang do it too.


	5. How Harry met Sally

**Memoirs of the 15****th**

**Title:** How Harry met Sally (and got beat up)  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Chi, Renji, Ikkaku, other ppl  
**Warning/s: **language  
**Summary:** In which a new recruit underestimates a teammate and gets served.  
**Dedication:** Nobody I can think of..  
**A/N:** The 11th has all my love.

* * *

"- so this is the mess hall. Don't eat there all the time, 'kay, 'cause if ya do, yer insides 'll melt."

Renji raised a lightly tattooed eyebrow at Ikkaku. "So why eat there at all?"

Ikkaku smirked at the newbie. "We don't get paid enough ta go get the good stuff all the time, dumbass. C'mon, an' meet the guys. Won't do ta ignore yer new teammates."

"Right."

The two walked past the lunchtime rush to the courtyard. Ikkaku went ahead to a group of soul reapers from the 11th division, exchanging sarcastic greetings and manly back slaps. He turned to introduce Renji.

"Guys, meet the fresh meat. Abarai, meet yer lords an' masters."

"Bite me, Madarame. Yo."

The men laughed and introduced themselves, each ranging in rank from 5th seat Ayasegawa to 18th seat Kuamba.

Renji glanced briefly around the courtyard before doing a double take at the tree at the edge of the square. Sitting alone was a young woman happily nursing a bottle of sake. He stared as she downed it and called drunkenly for another one from a passer-by. He turned to Ikkaku.

"Who is _that?_"

Ikkaku glanced in the direction Renji was pointing. "Skinny blue-haired chick? That's Chi. She's from the 15th."

"Just Chi?"

Ikkaku shrugged. "She has a surname, but it's long an' kinda hard ta pronounce, so she's Chi."

Renji blinked and looked back at the girl. "She's hot."

Yumichika smirked behind his chopsticks. "Too hot for an ugly thing like you. Best not to presume your chances." Renji scowled at the feathered man.

"Screw you. I'm plenty good lookin'. Bet I can get a date outta her right now."

This got the attention of the rest of the men at the table. They exchanged incredulous glances and burst out laughing. Renji punched the one nearest. "The hell!" One of the shinigami managed to pull himself together long enough to say "She'd chew you up and spit you out." before keeling over again.

Renji's scowl deepened. He was new and his reputation and advancement hinged on the respect of his teammates. No way was he gonna let some weak stupid girl ruin any and all of his chances from the get go.

He sneered at the chuckling men. "She don't look strong enough to throw that bottle inta the trash, let alone hurt me! An' you call y'selves 11th division." Renji shook his head pityingly and made a show of turning his head away. Ikkaku snickered and raised his brows at Yumichika, who winked and stood to approach the redhead. He dramatically draped his arm around the other man's shoulders.

"By all means, Abarai-san, show us the error of our ways. Go on and challenge the little dear and prove that we are merely shy, pathetic weaklings." Ayasegawa batted his eyes and managed to pull off a sincere, admiring gaze. The other men looked on with interest and sniggers. Renji narrowed his eyes and stalked off toward the table. Behind him the men exchanged money for bets.

As he approached the table, Renji wondered briefly if maybe this was a bad idea, that maybe she really was a bit stronger then he gave her credit for, for all the guys to laugh like that. That thought lasted for less then a second before he dismissed it as ridiculous. Besides, she was smashed!

The young woman looked up as the redhead came to stand above her. She cocked her head drunkenly and grinned. "'An I help 'ou?"

Renji smiled lightly at her and sat. "Just wondering what a pretty thing like you's doing all by yourself."

She grinned wider and squinted at him. "Haven't seen y' 'round b'fore." Renji nodded.

"I'm new. Just joined the 11th." She nodded sagely. At least it was supposed to be sagely. It looked more like her neck had misplaced its bones.

"S'me'a my fav'rite p'ple." Renji smirked at that.

"Maybe we could spar a little, promote the friendliness." He winked at her. He didn't expect her to start laughing.

"Hon'y, I w'dn't wanna break y'spine on y'firs' day!"

All smiles dropped of his face. "Honey, you don't look straight enough to find it." He snapped. Her good humor faded as well, narrowing her eyes at his through their glaze. She suddenly looked a bit more coherent then she did a moment ago.

"Best y'walk away, kid, before you regret something."

Renji scowled back at her. "Doubt it."

The next thing he knew, the redhead was flying through the air and crash-landing into the bench where the 11th had been sitting moments before they had scrambled off. He sat up furiously and rushed to get back up. The no longer quite as unthreatening looking woman was suddenly there planting her foot squarely against his chest and shoving him down into the wood splinters. She looked down at him through hooded eyelashes. "A lesson for you, little boy. Don't mess with your superiors. Especially when you're still wet behind the ears."

She leaned down and pinched his chin in her fingers. "Wouldn't wanna damage that pretty face." She smirked and winked at him, before removing her foot and skipping over to Yumichika to comment on his hair and walking off. Renji stared after her bewilderedly, Ikkaku crouching down next to him and looking in the same direction.

"Told ya, didn't we."

Renji blinked at him. "Who t'hell is she?!" Ikkaku grinned. "That there is our very own Chi, vice-captain of th' 15th division, second most powerful woman in th' Seireitei. If y'gonna be here, remember not ta piss off anyone from the 14th and 15th. They're the strongest squads in the Goten."

"..oh."

Ikkaku smirked. "That's all y'can say? _Oh_?"

Renji pulled himself up and watched the blunette play with Yachiru's hair next to Ayasegawa. A sly grin wormed its way onto his face, and he looked at a bemused Madarame.

"Suddenly getting stronger just got a whole lot more fun. 'Specially if I get her attention again."

The bald man blinked at him before guffawing and slapping his back. "Let it be said y'don' take 'no' fer an answer. Train yer ass off, man. She don' date nobody who ain't seated." He raised an eyebrow. "An' how bad would it suck t'let yer girlfriend beat y'up."

* * *

Because I got fed up trying to edit this. Please and thank you.


	6. When in Rome

* * *

**Memoirs of the 15**

**Title: **When in Rome...  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Pairing/Character/s:** Tsuki, Chi  
**Summary:** Paperwork is the reason God invented bars.  
**Disclaimer: **No own, if did own would have made Kon's voice actor less annoying  
**A/N**: Because Lunaflowergirl said we needed a 'first meet' thing for our characters

* * *

Her hands were sore, but she kept at it, carefully drawing the kanji of her name onto every damn paper on the piles scattered about her desk. Her desk. Desk that is hers. Tsuki allowed herself a grin. It had taken years upon years, but she had finally been able to get the old man to create a separate division for the women of the 14th. The building was up, the barracks were filling, and the new recruits were applying every day. It would be heaven, no pun intended, if it wasn't for the fact that the whole process involved a Titanic sized mountain of paperwork.

Tsuki sighed and mumbled "Be careful what you wish for.."

She leaned back in her chair for a momentary respite before going back to signing everything from release forms to acknowledgment letters from other captains. Honestly, she really didn't care anymore and the words were starting to blur together anyway. Maybe she should call it a day...

Tsuki glanced up at a knock as a messenger from another division respectfully requested that the Honorable Captain Daitenshi kindly accept these forms and could she please maybe get them done by that afternoon? The Honorable Captain hissed at him through her teeth and sent her reiatsu to shove him back out the door on his rear.

She stared at the page she had just finished and placed it on the pile that had been signed already, and compared it to the amount that was left over. Wait a second, where the hell did all that come from?! Those piles on the floor hadn't been there before! Tsuki growled under her breath and debated over the use of multiplication kidos.

Whatever. She groaned and dipped her brush back into the large ink dish- which immediately jerked and tipped over as the door slammed open. Tsuki snapped up to look at a young woman standing against the frame. She grinned and gave an enthusiastic salute.

"Kyuusogoubyou-chan, reporting ta meet my new taichou!"

Tsuki blinked at the girl, before narrowing her eyes. The little black lake was spreading and dripping down the sides of her desk.

"My new fukitaichou, I presume..."

"Yep! Nice ta meetcha, Taichou! I'm Chi and I kick ass!"

Tsuki watched unamused as the blunette dropped her salute and posed dramatically in the doorway. _This_ was her second in command? No way. Uh-uh. She remembered hearing about her during mess hall, the affectionate chronic drunk who danced her way through hollow corpses with a zanpaktou in one hand and a bottle of sake in the other. The old man was going to _die_ for this...

The new captain rubbed her temples and scowled. "Kyuusogoubyou-san, I would appreciate it if you would knock before entering. And you're late. There's a lot of work to do and I need help."

The woman smiled broadly and skipped around Paper Valley to happily hug Tsuki.

"Ne, Taichou, call me Chi." She pressed her cheek to the other woman's and looked down at the mess on the table.

"That's a lotta ink. You should clean that up if you don't want it to spread." Tsuki pulled away and glared. "Fukutaichou, it's your fault, you do it."

The blunette ignored her and looked around the room, still squeezing Tsuki. "That is a whole lot of paper. How much have you finished, Taichou?"

Tsuki rolled her eyes and gestured to the respective piles. "I've been at it all day. Now get off and get to work."

Chi gazed thoughtfully at the blackening desktop, before turning back to her captain.

"I gotta better idea. How 'bout you order someone else to do it and we go make friends and get wasted."

Tsuki stared slack jawed at her, and shot up to start yelling. On the way up she got another good look at the breeding mountains of paper that would take days to finish and more days to sort and organize only to receive more to finish, sort and organize. Chi was looking at her with an expectant expression, obviously fully aware that the purple-haired woman was in desperate need of a shot of vodka. Or several.

Getting smashed was starting to sound like a good idea.

Tsuki closed her mouth and eyed the other woman. What the hell.

"Fine, but you're paying."

"That's the spirit!"

* * *

HA: Wee! We wrote a first meeting!

LFG: Yes, finally, our history is recorded in the tombs of fandom.

HA: ...

LFG: I'm being dramatic again, aren't I?

HA: Lil' bit, ya.

LFG: Well, you wanna marry Lelouch, so shut up.

HA: (sticks tongue out) Shaddup. If I get attacked by fangirls, it's your fault.

LFG: Eh. Reviews, please.


	7. Best Sport Ever

**Memoirs of the 15****th**

**Title:** Best. Sport. EVER.  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Chi, Tsuki, Tenshi, Ikkaku, Renji, yadda...  
**Summary:** In which the soul society visits the Olympics and the boys feel pathetic.  
**Disclaimer: **No own, will never own, if did own, would have Michael Phelps visit me constantly  
**A/N**: Because the 2008 Summer Olympics rock and so do Michael's abs.

LFG: Hear, hear.

Chi: Absolutely.

**A/N2:** -_-;; this is a year late. I blame senioritis.  
**A/N3: **finding a video of this race after the fact is like finding a canon nudie pic of Byakuya

* * *

"-and the American team seems confident. Today's Relay Final is going to be very intense between them and the French. If you remember, Bob, the French team declared that the only reason they came was to shoot down Phelps and his teammates-."

The stadium was packed to the rafters, all the bleachers filled with avid swim fans. The 2008 Summer Olympics was one of the most popular of the new millennium, bringing together magnificent talent from all over the globe like Katie Hoff, Alain Bernard, Laure Manaudou, Michael Phelps and Kirsty Coventry. People young and old alike gathered to watch, world leaders and excitable tourists. Unbeknownst to the majority of the viewers and competitors, the water-sports arena was blessed with several more spectators, seated on the railing off to the side of the giant pool. That position may not have been allowed to fans, but when you're dead and usually invisible to the general public, you can get away with anything.

Ikkau turned to look at Yumichika, who was happily conversing over the pros and cons of shaved heads vs swim caps with Rangiku and Tenshi. "What are we doing here again?"

Yumichika rolled his feathered eyes. "Visiting the Olympics, of course! Kurosaki said it would be good this year, remember."

Ikkaku scoffed. "Not that. What are we doing _here? _With the water ballerinas? What's the point?"

Rangiku leaned around to quip. "It's an extravagant event where men prove their manliness."

Byakuya, sitting on Madarame's other side leafing through a program raised an eyebrow. "In speedos?"

Simultaneously. "Yes! In speedos!"

Chi was grinning wildly at the start ledge, pointing at the scantily clad men with one hand and pulling insistently at her taichou's shihakusho sleeve. "Ne, ne, look- they're _flexing._" Tsuki was surreptitiously attempting to remain oblivious, but her eyes kept straying and sticking. Hopefully Kuchiki-taichou wouldn't notice.

Byakuya sniffed and turned to Renji, who was sulking next to Ikkaku. "This sport has little merit. Let us go." He started to stand, Abarai following suit until Chi sniffed at him.

"Bah! You just wanna save face! Betcha gonna go hide behind six hundred fans, or oooo, under water, an' have a more_ private_ view." She jerked her eyebrows suggestively as her companions choked and smothered laughter. Which the exception of Tsuki, who looked horrified, and hissed in the blunette's ear. "Don't wreck my hopes!"

Byakuya scowled and sat down, crossing his arms, annoyed. "Do not assume you know my intentions." Renji moved from his vacated seat and pushed himself into the space between Yaiba and Chi, throwing an arm around his girl's shoulders and touching his nose to her cheek.

"How come you're so happy about sitting all th' way ova here, starin' at fleshy ass?" Chi stared at him blankly, for a moment before pointedly looking at the competitors, then back. "You have to ask?" She patted his face sympathetically.

"There, there, lover. Just because they look better in a speedo than you do doesn't mean a thing." He scowled and cuffed her over the head. "You just suck, you know that?" She beamed and leaned forward to see Matsumoto and Ayasegawa. The fifth seat winked at her.

"Careful, Renji. A high class girl like that might finally dump your sorry ass and then where will you be?" The redhead bristled and pointed wildly at the smug reaper.

"Well, what about you?! You don't even _have_ a woman!" Yumichika laughed cockily, flipping his hair and posturing a hand on one hip.

"I don't need a woman. I'm pretty enough for two!" Little sparkles magically appeared to frame him. "Besides, I'm always surrounded by these fine women anyway." Rangiku and Tenshi took their cues and draped themselves over him, cuddling up to his sides. "Unlike you." Yumichika leaned to smirk at Chi.

"Why do you like him, again?"

"Red hair."

"Ah."

"Oh, screw the both of you!"

Abruptly, the stands got louder as the competitors lined up, mounting their platforms and bending over in preparation to jump. The shinigami, at least the ones who actually cared, jumped up, screaming as the competitors jumped into the water.

"This is a great way to start a relay - the French and the Australians will not let him get away with this-"

"-all competitors reaching ahead of the world record line-"

"I think we've seen the end of Phelps gold medal – to far behind - still got 50 to go-"

"- France is over first - Lezak is pulling that water as if its no tomorrow-"

The screaming in the stadium was reaching massive heights and even Byakuya was subtly trying to cover his ears. Ikkaku just rolled his eyes and stood too, blowing a piercing whistle next to Chi, who was screaming about 'damn frogs!'

"Lezak is coming back - Jason Lezak's got the gold! That is unbelievable!"

"_Whoooooo!"_ The crowd went wild as the US team dragged Lezak out of the water and jumped, whooping and hugging. And nobody noticed as five extremely enthusiastic shinigami ran out onto the field and fly tackled them. At least, not everybody…

~~00~~

Ichigo stared slack jawed at the screen. Yuzu was hopping in her seat, clapping for the athletes on the television as Karin looked on amused. She glanced at her brother and noted his exasperated expression.

"The hell's the matter with you?"

Ichigo ignored her, instead face planting into his palm. "I can't believe they groped him _on global tv…_"

And somewhere in Beijing, a certain swimmer felt very violated and didn't know why.


End file.
